Im going to need your help with this one.

Im weak. I admit it. But I am trying to stay strong for this one. Are you ready?


Im quitting smoking tomorrow. I had my last cigarette a few hours ago and Im done. Forever. I have the gum, I signed up for the quit assist program, I have numbers to call if I need them. Im ready.


I have wanted to quit for a while, but just havent. I need to though. Ava doesnt need to be around that!! Travis is quitting as well, but not right now. We decided to stagger it. Both of us quitting at the same time would more than likely end up with one or both of us in jail LOL.


So I am going to need support....so comment. Please!

Also...Pray, hope, send good vibes, shake your booga booga stick, do an interpretive dance, whatever you chose, for Ava and Trav. I am quitting smoking and PMSing at the same time!

Photo Challenge : What I like best about summer.

A group of us are doing photo journals. Its a fun way to get some ideas, share some pictures and its easy....so Im totally in!

What I like best about summer is hard for me. I live in San Diego (its ok to admit youre jealous) so summer is almost year round. Plus we live at the beach so I hate to say it but it loses its appeal after a while. But I do love hanging out at the pool with Ava. She is a serious water baby so its always fun, always exciting and always exhausting! I give you "Ava at the pool"

6 things.....If you're family you may not want to read.

From Uppercase Woman’s blog. She challenged her readers to blog about the five most defining moments of your life.

Im only 26, which doesnt seem very young or old. I dont feel like I have lived a whole lot so mine wont be horrible and heartbreaking. Sorry. :) These are in no particular order.




*****1 and 2 have been removed for personal reasons*****

3-12 pregnancy test and blood in my undies.


Yes thats right 12 tests. When I thought I might be pregnant, thats how many I took. They were all positive. I was in a panic. I called a few friends and cried. I was supposed to go shopping with my sister that day, when I got in the car she said "You're pregnant arent you" I was.

I told Dave a few days later. I called him at work and asked him to come over when he got off. He did and I told him. He said "How much do you want to get rid of it?" Not exactly what I wanted to hear. A few weeks later there was blood in my underwear, I realized at that exact moment, that I wanted this. I wasnt sure if I could do it, but I wanted it.

4- 18 hours of effin pushing for a screaming ball of chub

Having Ava sucked. You know those women who talk about how beautiful childbirth was? Idiots. I remember the doctor asking me if I wanted to see it in a mirror. NO! GOD NO! was my answer. It was an awful experience, I pushed and pushed. She got stuck, the doctor stuck both hands up in me rotated her and pushed her back slightly to release her shoulder from my pelvic bone (Yes even with drugs that was painful) I couldnt push anymore so the nurse had both feet on the wall next to my bed and was pushing on my stomach from the outside. Ava came out and had an Apgar score of 3 They rushed her away and then set to work on me. I lost 3 pints of blood. they pushed on my stomach for hours afterwards and *WARNING* lemon size blood clots were coming out. I went home the next day. She cried for 7 hours straight that night. I wanted to go back. She has obviously recovered, so have I. But it was NOT the most fun experience of my life.

5-Travis

Its no secret I met him online. I dont care what anyone thinks.

When we met I was pregnant, I didnt tell him at first. When i finally did he said he already knew. (stupid myspace comments) He wasnt 100% comfortable with it but it grew on him. We "met" when Ava was 5 weeks old. It was amazing. He gave me this kiss that was so full of self confidence I was blown away. No words, just the kiss. We did the back and forth thing from San Diego to Oregon for 6 months, then I packed up a truck and moved down here. Best thing I ever did. Not only for me but for Ava. I cant ever describe what he has done for me. He is the love of my life, and I am 100% happy with where we are.

6-The knife fight

Once in '79 I was in a knife fight with 23 Italian gangsters. the only person by my side was Lou Reed. We were in NYC and they jumped us. There was much blood shed, and in the end 22 Italian gangsters slept with the fishes. We left skinny frank (A giant of a man) a live so he could warn the others not to mess with us.

Pictures and a Video.

Not a whole lot to say today so I will share a few pics and a video of Ava. This is our "after dinner playtime" She likes to randomly make up songs about animals. Its awesome!
Some of what she says is "Lions like to sleep" and at the end she says "OH no! My animals! They fell!"

Have you ever seen Reality Bites?

Remember the part where the girl gets mad because Ethan Hawke's character keeps sticking his laundry in with hers so she will do it.

That totally happened to me. By a STRANGER!!

I washed a few of Ava's things from an earlier mess, I threw them in the dryer. I ALWAYS check the dryer because I think its gross to have clothes "Co-mingling". When I took Ava's clothes out there was a pair of socks, a pair of men's underwear and an under shirt. What the Eff?

1) Fucking Ewwwww
2) you cheap asshole its only 75 cents!
3) Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

I was so shocked I left it in there, now I wish I had taken it home, put it on the BBQ for a few and put it back in the dryer. Seriously. What is with people??

Also, its not like he thought it was a different dryer, mine was the only one with ANY clothes in it.

Ew dude. Seriously Ew.

Open letters.

Dear UPS-
I realize that you have already been paid so actually giving me my package is no longer a priority, but seriously...you're assholes. Dont tell me that you "attempted delivery" at 2pm. I was home at 2pm and you were not here. If you were where is this magical note that was left on my door? If you could possibly swing by and drop off the item I ordered (Which has been sitting in vernon CA since 6/19 due to "Adverse weather conditions") that would be great. While your at it. Suck it Bitches.

Adverse weather my ass.
Amanda



Dear Neighbors.
I know that parking your car in the spot you are given is difficult. I can only assume it must be incredibly hard to navigate your car into a very wide area with lines to guide you, because everyday you are parked mostly on my side. Making it impossible for me to park and get my child out. To remedy this I have had to park my car, turn around and unbuckle Ava and try to pull her out the front seat with me (in the 6 inches of space my door allows when jammed against the wall). My new remedy will involve my car door, your car door, and a large dent. Any future possible ideas may involve bats, golf clubs, large sticks and possibly a frozen turkey. If you need it, come get me and I will park your car for you.
Amanda

Dear Ava-
I love you. Thanks for being awesome.
Mommy

So yeah.....

I say "So Yeah....." (followed by nothing) a lot. (Drives Thomas crazy HAHAHA)

So yeah.....
Ive been thinking a lot about my friends. I miss them.

I miss my "Back home" friends. Jaymee, Wendy, Shauna and especially Pat.
They have seen me through some of the toughest times in my entire life. (Pregnant by a guy who says "How much do you want to get rid of it?"... yeah rough times indeed) But they know the old me. The girl who was totally fun .... errr irresponsible, partying, weed smoking, randomly kissing guys. Im not that anymore though.

My "new" friends. The ones I met online (yes ONLINE! *gasp*) know me better than my other friends.
Cristina, Jae, Cathy, Kristin,Kate, Jules, Jess, Alicia, Chrissi and Lisa.

Its weird. I have spent just a weekend with them (well most of them) but it was like being with a large group of best friends. They understand my weird Mommy worries. (OMG Ava is going to climb up her bed, onto her windowsill, shimmy over to the screen part and fall out the window). Yes its totally irrational and crazy, but they understand!

So here is my plan. We contact Lifetime (television for women) See Meredith Baxter Bearney get beaten with a rod in *rod*. That was strictly for Thomas.
So we are all ladies, so they have to listen to us. We have them move us onto a compound and we can all live there. We can leave to visit family and stuff (Lifetime television for women will pay of course) We can bring our kids and husbands (Or like the sadly unmarried ones, our boyfriends) but there will be a person on hand to watch them at all times.

Sooooo.... Im gonna write them an email. You should too.

A-Z Pictures.....

This is my easy version. I did it during nap time


I will do a better more creative one later.


Ava

Books

Cathulu

Djarums

Emergency

Fries

Gargoyles

Hat

Imperial Beach

Junk

Ketchup

Loki

Magnets

NO NO!!!

Old Faithful (my pillow I have had since I was 2)

Pig

Quarters

Raisins

Sleep

Tree

Untied

Vertical (hahaha)

Water

X-Ray vision (if you just see a hand, you dont have Xray vision Sorry)

Yellow

zenzizenzizenzic (A number to the 8th power)

Pictures of a crashing toddler.

The picture on my banner is the first in this series. She was running around as a zombie/dinosaur.
Then she stopped. I got my camera because...well, she never stops.



I was puzzled, but much like a documentary film maker. I did not want to disturb the natural progression of my subject.



Something never before seen in our house. A quiet toddler. Curious....



I nudged Travis and said "Oh my god. Are her eyes closed?"



And then she slept.... for 15 minutes. *sigh* Maybe next time I will be able to sleep myself!

Kermit is a liar, its totally easy to be green!

So I am on a "green living" kick. Im really enjoying it!

I have made a few small changes in my life, none of them totally drastic, but I know its helping.

We gave up plastic bags. If I can carry it on my own I will tell the person "No bag" We also purchased reusable shopping bags and in 1 month have brought home less than 10 plastic bags (Random shopping trips where the bags weren't used)

I thought to myself "How much difference does that really make?" Well I found out when I took our old bags in to be recycled. In 3 months we used up 2 very large, very stuffed garbage bags worth of plastic. Its incredible how that adds up!

I also am using my own mug when I get coffee. No more throwing away a lid, sleeve AND cup for me!

We also have a water delivery service that re-uses their bottles. I dont buy bottled water anymore. Its such a HUGE waste!

We are using bio-degradable diaper (Pull ups) for Ava, they are more expensive but they are made from a corn oil rather than plastic so they will actually break down eventually.

I signed us up for www.greendimes.com I just started it so I am not seeing a huge difference now, but hopefully soon all of that junk mail will be a thing of the past. Also signed the petition for a "Do Not Mail" list (like the do not call list but with junk mail)

We are looking at Terra Pass but at the moment we cant afford it. But it will be something we do in the future.


None of these were especially hard, none of them cost us ridiculous amounts of money but all of them help, if we all changed a little. Thats a HUGE difference.

"I think I was dosed"

This is the first thing Travis said to me when he got in the car yesterday. I said "What?"

Apparently the Hunter S. Thompson book he is reading has some blotter paper stuck to it and his thumb was resting on it. He seems to think it was covered in old acid. Which according to him never really goes away, it just gets weak.

I laughed at him. He didnt think it was funny.

By the way.... he wasnt.

Tips from your local Barista.

My list of top 10 annoyances.

1. Don't ever ask me "What's good?" I will make you the most expensive thing available. Consider it an idiot tax
2. Dont wait until I hand you your drink to tell me you wanted it "Half-Caf" or "Extra hot"If you want it that way, tell me when you order.
   
3. I understand you may be a regular, but you still have to wait in line!
4. Dont bring your dog in. Ever. No one wants to be harrassed by "Pumpkin" of "Sweety" or whatever you named that little rat with a diamond collar.
   
5. If you order an incredibly difficult drink (Iced double shot decaf mocha with nonfat milk and just a splash of cream) TIP! You see I am running around getting your ice, pulling out the decaf espresso, trying to time your espresso shot correctly, and getting 1 and 3/4 squirts of chocolate (instead of 2) all while smiling as you tell me how tacky everything in San Diego is. Would it fucking kill you to drop me your change??
6. When I ring up your order and hold my hand out for the cash, dont throw it on the counter. I will pull your shot so short, you wont be able to taste it!
7. Get off your fucking cell phone. If you are really that interested in Meredith's divorce, dont come up to the counter. Step off to the side or stand outside. If you absolutely cannot get off your phone for 2 minutes, DO NOT give me the "One minute finger" while you hold up the line. I will take the people behind you and I will take my sweet ass time doing so.
8. If you come in every single day, and order the exact same thing. I will learn it. I am not a moron like your children. You dont have to speak slowly to me. I just asked you if you wanted your usual, please dont insult me by telling me what that is.
   
9. My name is Amanda. Not Samantha, Angela, or Sabrina, and sure as fuck not "Mandy"
   
10. I really only have 9 I guess.

So yeah, Work has been great. I love it, but I swear these rich bitches need to crawl in a hole and die. or maybe get a job. I have like 70 year old women who have literally MILLIONS of dollars in the bank, have never worked a day and feel the world owes them something. Fuck you lady.