Monday, June 23, 2008

Open letters.

Dear UPS-
I realize that you have already been paid so actually giving me my package is no longer a priority, but're assholes. Dont tell me that you "attempted delivery" at 2pm. I was home at 2pm and you were not here. If you were where is this magical note that was left on my door? If you could possibly swing by and drop off the item I ordered (Which has been sitting in vernon CA since 6/19 due to "Adverse weather conditions") that would be great. While your at it. Suck it Bitches.

Adverse weather my ass.

Dear Neighbors.
I know that parking your car in the spot you are given is difficult. I can only assume it must be incredibly hard to navigate your car into a very wide area with lines to guide you, because everyday you are parked mostly on my side. Making it impossible for me to park and get my child out. To remedy this I have had to park my car, turn around and unbuckle Ava and try to pull her out the front seat with me (in the 6 inches of space my door allows when jammed against the wall). My new remedy will involve my car door, your car door, and a large dent. Any future possible ideas may involve bats, golf clubs, large sticks and possibly a frozen turkey. If you need it, come get me and I will park your car for you.

Dear Ava-
I love you. Thanks for being awesome.


Christina said...

LMAO at your open ended letters. I may borrow a few, is that okay?

Sara said...

Can you get pics of the turkey? Please? I always love your letters. I love laughing at your frustration, I mean... with you, of course.

Alicia said...

Awwww, I love that last one. It makes me feel all mushy and squishy inside. Ava is awesome.

Cathy said...

You know, I have actually managed to catch the UPS guy in the past. Apparently the trick is to wait by the door and then tackle them quickly as they're running away after having rung the doorbell.

And as for your neighbors, have you considered sprinkling your parking space with tacks or broken glass? Yeah, I know you won't be able to park there either but if they get a couple of flats out of it, it might just be worth it.

Lweeks said...

Yay! I can still read Manda's open letters. You are on it girl. It's great to see that quirky sense of humor again..Loves ya!

Homey said...

oh please use the turkey. stuff it full of limberger cheese and shove it in their backseat. after a few days, they'll notice something stanky.

and people, i've seen amanda's neighbors parking job. it totally blows.

Jules said...

The UPS guys do this to me too!! They give me a note that says "Final attempt" and it's the first one to me! Jerk faces!

KJ said...

Hahahahaha!! LMAO~ You rock as usual, Manda! Can you also use the turkey on the UPS guy and get pics of that as well? Hilarious~